Longing for your touch

HAHAH. So I'm retarded and stoned today and my friend and I start looking online for me to find an apartment. He gets distracted and starts reading the Missed Connections on Craigslist for amusement, I guess. Unless he posted one, we may never know. But, there were some pretty funny ones. And I got it in my head to write one. If you can't figure out who I'm writing about too bad. I think it's funny. =) I'll post any responses I get.
And here it is:

"..While walking down beautiful University avenue, by 30th, I saw you. Your legs, from what I could see through your tattered jeans were so stunning, only small amounts of crude oil and dirt covered your sensual skin. You wore a green frizzled hat and lay asleep on the street, Albertson's shopping cart to your side, laden with your priceless belongings. My heart skipped a beat and I nearly dropped my Yog-Art onto the street. I paused for a long moment, staring longingly your way, wishing my will that you would awaken and sweep me into your arms. Steal me away from this cruel world. But my friends kept walking, and you did not wake. Please, if you ever read this, know that I am looking and longing passionately for your touch."
http://sandiego.craigslist.org/csd/mis/939415747.html

Response 1:
"..Longing for you, please find me - m4m - 21 (San Diego)
Dude, he is obviously HOMELESS and if he is homeless I seriously doubt he waould hace access to a computer let alone the damn internet
You need to take your ass back to where you saw him and approach, because just as you have a house most homeless stay in the same address also.
Good luck.."

Response 2:
"..
Hey Hot Stuff,

Sorry that you ran off so quickly. I was only pretending to be asleep. I am actually an undercover narcotics detective, looking for teenagers and young adults who are buying and selling drugs. The junk in the Albertsons cart was there to cover up the recording equipment that is used to prosecute criminals. I saw you staring at me, but didn't want to blow my cover, but once I saw the rod in your pants getting stiff, I thought that I would pee myself just to give you a signal back. You left too soon, and once I started pissing, I couldn't stop. I was going to get out of my undercover clothes, but the warm piss really started to turn me on, so I played back the recording of you watching me, with the woody in your pants, and I just had to rub one out. When I got home, I did it again. The next time that I am working that corner, I want you to pull it out and piss all over me. That will make me come 5 times. Thanks for thinking of me. Sometimes my work is very boring.

Hugs,
Jake
.."

Response 3:
"..Your ad, while clever and humorous, seems a bit mean spirited."

Response 4:
"..homeless dont have computer. RETARD......"

Response 5:
"..nice. very eloquent. "

Response 6:
"..sounds like you were attracted to a homeless person? Nothing wrong with attracting a homeless person, but knowing that he might not have a computer to use, but you just never know..

Goodluck buddy,

P.."